Life, Art and ideas.

I began studying software engineering in June, and it has become one of the most engaging experiences I have had. It has influenced my life deeply in several ways. For a long time I felt stuck; I hesitated to share my work, avoided pushing myself, and lived what some might describe as a comfortably numb existence. Over the past four years I encountered difficult situations and barely noticed their effect on me.  

After more than a year of trying to “get better” and return to a career I no longer enjoyed, it seemed I had returned to square one—older and with even less. Looking back, that period felt like a storm that would never end. Eventually it did, and I now recognise how the small actions I took each day shaped my life today.

Learning has sparked a dormant curiosity. At the start of the first trimester, I felt eager, but around week 4, stress and anxiety disrupted my routine overnight. It seemed I had forgotten how to care for myself; constant worry about future deadlines and overwhelming anxiety kept me bedridden, alongside the escapism that carried me through each day. 

By week 5, I reached a striking insight. I cannot recall the exact wording, but it ran something like this: you cannot keep hitting your head against the issue; you must take frequent breaks. This felt wrong, resting while facing a stack of projects with only 2 days remaining. It proved the correct choice: rest and recover, then return, and matters began to align. The shift was life-changing overnight (again), so I practised patience, rested, and felt much better. By term’s end, I was strengthening my shell, enjoying time with my partner; we were learning a great deal, and it was a truly interesting project. 

Then came the manual review. I entered with confidence, having refreshed my knowledge and code. I began strongly, but as we continued, I suspect you could see the point where my confidence vanished. The live coding section was left for last, and when I had to write code, I froze entirely. I told myself, “You just wrote this code about 5 times; you know how.” I sat unable to speak, overwhelmed by anxiety. It was not the strongest display of ability, and I understand why that might raise concerns, particularly in the age of ai. 

I recognised this as a confidence issue; anxiety and worry would not block me again, so I was offered a chance to redo the live coding during the break.

I studied with focus and gained the confidence required to code no matter who was over my shoulder.

Everything progressed smoothly, and as the second term begins, I want to use this website more. While I develop ink art projects alongside my studies (this piece will take a long time), I wondered whether my school work could connect to my creative efforts. I have a few ideas of what id like to do. Id like to use this blog as a way to keep updated on the progress and not let the perfectionist stop me form sharing posts.